I learnt a lesson this weekend. Turns out, just because YOU know you’ve booked a ticket to a “sip and sketch” event (at which you’ll be drawing a whole arse naked man), does NOT mean the person you invite to go with you will automatically assume there is nudity involved at said event.
I’ve followed Bare Art for ages now. It’s one of those things I see pop up on my feed, think “omg I wanna do that so badddd” and immediately forget about, until the next time they’re on my feed.
…did I just write the most millennial sentence ever?
Anyway. Last week these legends posted about a free sip and sketch night! If you’re not hip with the kids, this is a type of event that has gained a lot of popularity the past few years… whether it’s painting, sketching, pottering, flower crown making or basically any crafty pastime you can think of… it’s just that, but boozy! Genius, no?
Most boozy craft nights will have you Bob Ross your way through a painting of a cactus, or making a coffee cup, perhaps kicking it old school with a piece of charcoal and a bowl of fruit.
This particular night? Straight up cock.
“Yes I’ll take two tickets thank yyoooouuu!”
Because hey, if I’m not getting any, I might as well stare at one for a few hours.
So I booked myself two tickets to this shingig. Thinking surely someone will want to join me on this one, I’ll definitely organise that by then. And what did I do? Immediately forgot about it until the next time they’re on my feed.
And then it’s Saturday afternoon. 4pm. “OH that’s tonight! Shit… I’ve got no-one to go with. Am I feeling brave enough to go on my own? Maybe. I’ll just keep focusing on the task at hand (unpacking/organising my room – it’s a bigger job than it sounds!) and see how I feel.” 6pm. Laying on my bed in my underwear, staring at my phone. Deliberating what I place more value on… a peaceful organised home, or a hot naked man? 6.01PM. But what will I wear?!
I was committed to going on my own if necessary (which, upon reflection, would’ve been hilarious) but thought I’d jump on the local girls group and see if theres literally anyone out there who happened to be free and willing within an hours notice on a Saturday night. I opened facebook – didn’t even search the group I was thinking about!! – and the VERY FIRST post on my feed was this snazzy looking lass asking if anyone wanted to catch up for a drink.
I commented “I’ve got a spare ticket to a sip and sketch thing tonight if you want to come!” and this gorgeous girl – Savannah, spontaneous legend that she is – messaged me right away asking where it was, saying that she’d meet me there!
By this point I was too focused on perfecting my eyebrows in two minutes flat to give it any further thought. So it wasn’t until we’d both arrived, introduced ourselves, sat down at the sketch pads and peered around the room full of giddy women that she looked at me and said “so, what are we going to be drawing?”
Aaaaand it dawned on me! I had accidentally invited a complete stranger to a nude life drawing event without fucking telling her.
I panicked. Have I just committed some kind of secondary sexual harassment?! Oh my god what if she’s uncomfortable and feels pressured to stay!! When I tell you I felt bad… mate, I asked her if she was okay like thirty times throughout the night lol. Thank fucking god she’s an absolute banger of a human and it turns out she’s wanted to do nude drawing forever! So apart from the fact that she’d have to explain her evening to her boyfriend, all systems were go! Was I slightly concerned I’d just inadvertently ruined this sweet woman’s relationship? A little bit! I mean I don’t know if this guy is some kind of purist who’d consider staring at another mans goods all evening – IN THE NAME OF ART I SAY! – an unacceptable behaviour. (I hear he was cool with it, phew!)
And by golly gosh my dudes, what an excellent time we had!
There was peen a plenty, a gorgeous man fetching us drinks, conversations about dogs and astrology and business and boyfriends, so many laughs I was red in the face – yes, it was definitely the laughs and not the fact the naked man kept making searing eye contact with me while I was minding my business trying to capture his dick veins just right in my very serious work of art – and it was held at the cutest venue! Basically all the necessary components for a great night.
The only thing that could’ve made it a perfect night was if I got to stand up there with him and smell him-I mean fall in love with him- I MEAN.. um… join in on an artistic pose with him. Oh, wait 😉