International Women’s Day heyyyy?
On this day two years ago I got engaged. Not because he thought it was a cool feminist moment, it was a coincidence. It was also a coincidence that it happened be the day after I’d stayed in Brisbane with a friend which of course drove him mad with jealousy. Definitely not an ounce of creepy controlling behaviour there! *adjusts rose coloured glasses* What a magical day.
So as well as reflecting on what it means to be a woman in my world, I’m reflecting on how different my life is now than it was two years ago. And how very different it is than the life I’d planned for us to have. Sometimes the grief of losing that life is still so fresh I have to sit down and remind myself how to breathe. But the unbearable moments have become bearable. The uncontrollable tears much more infrequent, though still as dramatic as ever – mascara cheeks forever baby!
He’s engaged again now. Make of that what you will! It actually bothers me less than I ever imagined it would. The sting of the man I loved promising himself to another woman pales in comparison to the concern I have for her, being married to the likes of him. Perhaps I brought out the worst in him. Maybe she’s quieter, easier, maybe she won’t stir up the murky parts of his soul like I did. I hope they’re happy, I hope she never has to see what I saw.
Whatever happens to them, all of it pales even further in comparison to the utterly dreamy existence I’ve carved out for myself now!
This time last year was so, so dark for me. I couldn’t imagine there ever being a life for me that was worth suffering through it all for. How could it possibly ever be okay. But, far out guys, it is so okay! It is okay beyond belief!
I imagine it all feels this amazing because it’s in such stark comparison to the other end of the scale. It’s a cliche for a reason. Without knowing what it feels like to let each day blur into the next, wishing they’d stop altogether, I couldn’t possibly grasp what is so insanely special about a moment so unassuming as sitting in the sunshine with my friends at work. And woah, is it indeed special!
Tonight I put together a video for my work. Just a quick little slideshow, some cute moments I’ve captured of the astounding women I get to spend my days with. It’s actually overwhelming. (As if it’s a rare occurrence for me to be overwhelmed? Hah!). All throughout my world I am surrounded by gorgeous women. At work, at home, at the coffee shop, my oldest friends and my newest. This collective of divine feminine (and masculine, of course, but it is women’s day!) energy that I actually get to be a part of? This is what dreams are made of.
I’m so, so proud of each and every one of us. For finding our ways not only through so many individual turmoils, but to each other. For holding each other with such strength and grace. For challenging each other with curiosity and genuine love. The women I’m surrounded by in this life are angels and mermaids and fairies and stardust from hundreds of lifetimes gone by, meeting again to play human together. And we make the most magnificent humans.
Tonight I’m raising the ol’ witches brew to us, all of us, The Women.
Love you for being here <3