So I’m sitting down to write this at 1:17am (standing naked at my bathroom sink, actually, to be precise) because apparently the only way my brain truly comprehends quality “me time” is if it’s in the middle of the fucking night.
I mean, is there value in waking up early and enjoying a quiet cup of tea in the sunshine before the household stirs? Absolutely. Do the voices in my head translate this beautiful, highly sought after, comparatively luxurious moment as sufficient fuel for the ol’ self care tank? Obviously not, don’t be ridiculous.
No. The only way to appease the gods (my basic ability to function) is the routine sacrificing of a lamb (my circadian rhythm) by way of being the only human within earshot to be awake between the hours of 11pm-3am. Love this for me.
Anyway! What I had originally planned to write about tonight is main character energy.
I’d found myself feeling very “blah”. Overly self critical, shitty body image, a general lack of fucks given. Then I caught myself feeling that funk and spent a little while contemplating why I’m feeling this way. Nothing has really changed for me physically, it’s a mental ick. Then I realised, it’s a literal lack of fucks given!
I don’t currently have a man making me feel hot, so I stopped feeling hot. Needless to say, that pissed me right off.
This is an incredibly annoying phenomenon for two reasons. One – I literally have at least one dude compliment me every day, but it doesn’t count because it’s not *the* dude?? You know, the dude I’m currently a little bit in love with. Don’t get excited – I’m not seeing someone, “the dude I’m currently in love with” is a very fluid concept. And right now it’s so fluid it’s in fact imperceptible. Literally not so much as a crush-worthy barista in sight!
….I’m imagining my fellow Libras to be the only ones nodding their heads in wholehearted understanding right now.
And secondly, because ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME HARMONY?! We’re going to let our self worth be determined by the fickle fleeting fancies of a fucking MAN who doesn’t even know what to do with how attracted to us he is?
No. No we are not. (Lol maybe a little, let’s be real)
That’s when I remembered that being hot is a choice. And hot. I. Am.
Crisis averted. I remembered to dress cute and take selfies and eat cheesecake in the bath and walk around like I just got railed by Prince Fucking Charming even though the most action I’m getting lately is when my acupuncturist checks my pulse aaaand ya girl is back on the baddie wagon 😎
….might go fall in love for a minute though, just to be safe 🤷♀️